Born into the hands of Jesus 2.17.1987

I don't mention this part of my life to many people but the time has come to let it out.

My mother gave birth to my baby brother Michal when his body and spirit were already with Jesus. He was born sleeping at 41 weeks gestation- I never found out the cause. I was only 10 at the time and how I wish that there was something like Now I Lay Me down to Sleep to capture memories of him for my mom and for me. I cannot begin to imagine how she felt having to birth a baby into the Lords hands.

I remember when we had his funeral I desperately wanted to see him. It was only me my older brother and my step dad and Michal's god father and my mom and a priest at the cemetery so they agreed. They took his little casket and opened it. He looked so plump and sweet and at the age of 10 I guess it was the need to
have closure to look at him. I remember my mother looking away. She didn't want to look. And to this day I don't know if at the hospital she was given the chance to kiss and hold him or not.

I will never know the cause of my brother’s death and my mom’s feelings as my mother passed away when I was only 24 yrs old. We never spoke of it- and I am not sure why.

7 years after her death I stumbled upon NILMDTS and I am overcome with emotions. All of a sudden I felt such heart ache at the loss of my brother and of my mom. It was like a double whammy – yet from a different perspective.

And with me being a mom now and her being gone I feel cheated that she is not around for me to offer her support. I guess what gives me peace is knowing that she is with God and no doubt has been reunited with her baby boy.